Ever wonder how spam impacts the future of Mother Earth? No? You’re not alone. I for one have never given a flying circus about the topic, but apparently McAfee, champion of anti-virus software, had some time on its collective corporate hands.

According to a completely unbiased study conducted by McAfee, it seems that for every hilariously fantastic email you receive about penis enlargement, boner pills, or masturbatory websites, you are killing roughly 18 polar bears*.

Also according to the study, one year of spam emails creates pollution equivalent to roughly…

• 2.4 million homes
• 3.1 million cars
• 2 billion gallons of gas
• Driving your Earth-murdering Chitti Chitti Bang-Bang car around the globe 1.6 million times
• 1 dastardly duo of ‘Sly Sludge’ and ‘Hoggish Greedly’*

Even with our powers combined, we stand little chance of stopping this onslaught of spam from blotting out the sun with its lack of concern for polar bears, pandas, and other animals that are cute, cuddly and hungry for the flesh of humans.

Indeed, its times like these that the world could use a hero like Captain Planet. Truly, a man with a green flat-top, rock hard abs and tight pants would be just what the doctor ordered. But never fear, friends, for while there is no Captain Planet, nor magical rings that control the elements, there is McAfee!

Acting as a shield against spam, McAfee stops spam in its tracks, saving 13 terra watts of electricity per year. That’s the equivalent of:

• Taking 13 million cars off the road
• Fighting on the planet’s side
• Taking pollution down to zero
• Consistently hanging around a group of 13 year olds

So remember friends, if you’re not using McAfee, not only is Al Gore furrowing his brow at you, but you’re practically shooting a polar bear in the face in front of her polar cub, while drinking a coke. You communist.

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